The Hooplaw-s of Physics

Part I: Columbus Spins

Many erroneous theories abound,
'Cause people say the world is round,
I find their facts empirical,
The Earth ain't round-it's spherical.
(If you think that's great here's one greater
It flattens out towards the equator!)

1999 G. Bennett Ulrich

Part II: Newton Falls

As Isaac sat beneath a tree,
Dreaming of pornography,
An apple knocked him with a clunk.
Upsetting those high thoughts he'd thunk.
Dismissing his depravity
He set to work on gravity.

1999 G. Bennett Ulrich

Part III: Franklin Flies

Poor Benjamin was pure heart-broke,
His gal went with some other bloke.
So sad was he that stormy night,
He tried a suicide by kite.
And so she'd know who caused this thing,
He tied her key upon the string.
And just when things got frightening,
Old Ben had harnessed lightening!

1999 G. Bennett Ulrich

Part IV: Marie Glows

Young Madam Marie and her husband Pierre
Noticed something in pitchblende that shouldn't be there.
The Uranium ore had something else in its brew,
And so they found Radium (and Polonium too)!
It was quite the achievement and no small surprise,
She became the first woman to win the great Nobel Prize.
And if you think she quit there then you don't know Our Hen,
Less than one decade later she won the damn thing again!

2002 G. Bennett Ulrich

All Things Bio-Logical

Part I: Charlie Churns

Good Mr. Darwin after much introspection,
Decided that creatures survive through selection.
Where the fittest prevail through the direst of straits,
Allowing their offspring to retain those good traits.
And just when the gene pool seems thoroughly tapped,
Mutations pop up to help species adapt.

1999 G. Bennett Ulrich

All poems
reprinted with permission by author
                2003 Death House Press