I once knew a fellow named Tom,
Whose shlong was blown off by a bomb,
After that painful amputation,
He had a sex change operation,
And now he looks just like his Mom.

*  *  *

I once knew a hottie named Laura,
Whose muff was as soft as Angora,
She had a South Sea Island map,
Tatooed, in full, across her lap,
Which is why I loved to visit Bora Bora.

*  *  *

I once knew a loner named Shawn,
Who liked to have sex with a fawn,
Then one sad day,
His little deer ran away,
And left him to whack off on the lawn.

*  *  *

I once knew a girl named Colleen,
Who kept herself incredibly clean,
She loved to scrub,
Her hot, southern shrub,
Till it was as big as the Grand Canyon ravine.
 

1991 G. Bennett Ulrich
reprinted with permission of author
                        Death House Press