I'll be hung for Christmas
 My doctor told me so
 he said "You'll be hung for Christmas" just
 Like the mistletoe.

 Girls will want to kiss it
 Once or maybe more
 'Cause I'll be hung for Christmas like
 A wreath upon the door.

 Augmentation Operation
 making small things grand
 I have wanted growth down there
 since first it met my hand

 I'll be hung for Christmas
 Heavy, long and thick
 Yes, I'll be hung for Christmas like
 Stockings for Saint Nick.

 So if you want enlargement
 listen to my plea
 have a surgeon do it right or
 you'll have to sit to pee.

1998 G. Bennett Ulrich
Reprinted with permission of author
                         Death House Press